So exotic, so mysterious, so…..purple! First of all, eggplant is a complete misnomer. It in no way resembles an egg, and it barely resembles a plant. It is the platypus of vegetables–it fits no category and should not exist in nature. The skin is glossy like it’s had two coats of turtle wax and a fine buffing, but it’s not hard like the fender of a ’57 Chevy. It’s firm, but squishy. It reminds me of petting stingrays. The color is obviously something out of the Muppets. The inside is white and porous like a giant makeup sponge. Seriously, it’s just weird. However, even the most vegetable-illiterate have heard of Eggplant Parmesan. I assumed that was its only function, but I’ve seen it sneak into Asian stir-fry, vegan main dishes, and mainstream recipes.